always something

i find myself saying "always something" alot. is that what life is all about, the next something? are all people's "somethings" relative or do some have more than others? how do you deal with the "somethings"? some i know easier than others. i'm a worrier so most "somethings" get to me. i guess that's why i say it so much because there is ALWAYS something; to think about, worry about, wonder about.... how to organize these "somethings" is the key as with most things. i have of late being trying to take a breath when the "somethings" overwhelm. i tell myself, "you can't fix this right away" and usually the orginal "something" changes it form. breath! time! organize! i guess these are my points. now if i could only practice what i preach! i'm always thinking about something - wondering, worrying, mulling. sometimes it's too much BUT i am aware and trying and i've been told that's the best one can do. being aware and trying to do your best, good ones to live by. so there is always going to be something, that's life. what you do with it is key, not easy i know!

never say never

it's amazing how that little statement can be so true, "never say never". i think just about every time i said "never" to something it didn't work. interesting little word, "never".
this morning i get an email from someone i said i would never talk to again, never have anything to do with and all of sudden they want to see me. it's a long story the whole deal but it was one of those passionate situations riddled with hurt and selfishness inflicted on me. now i'm writing about "never say never". interesting really! is that what allows some of us to sleep at night or to feel suckered or both?! hmmm. i know one thing, i never want to regret anything! i'm not saying i'm gonna jump into a relationship again not remembering the past but allowing ourselves to get past the never might just be one very therapeutic thing. you say it in the heat of the moment and then there is this little thing called time that heals the hurt, it may never go away but it fades and then all of a sudden you are contemplating the never. as you know never is a long time and nothing is black and white, soooo what to do?! i see people around me who say never and mean it and they don't seem so happy. i've tried keeping track of the nevers i've said and it's exhausting and at times i plain don't remember why i said it. logging your nevers is a big job and i don't have the time or energy. so i guess i'll never stop saying never but i won't catalog them either. i'll remember the experiences, call me a sucker but life is too short people. my point! never say never, well say it but don't keep track and know that you might have been wrong or you might just change your mind. maybe it's not never that needs to be said but it's just thinking of a situation in a different way or just letting time heal, fade....

life changes

so how is it that two weeks before my 37th birthday i find myself driving up to maine to pick up my father and bring him back to mass. to the er!? i now take care of my dad! when did this happen? i had the same question when i had two kids, "when did i become a mom of kids!?" but that makes more sense though. taking care of a parent at a younger age, yes i still think i'm young although i can't believe i'm closer to 40 now, is just odd to say the least. and there is so much more than that. now i have the kids (five and seven), a husband (thank gawd for him, he's a saint!), and back and forth to the rehab hospital for my dad. thinking about all of their futures too: "am i doing right by my kids?", "am i being a good wife" and now "where is dad going to live, who is going to care for him 24/7".... calgon take me away! and that's on top of the underlying thoughts i have about not going to the gym enough, not doing enough for the kids, my husband.... OY
so my point is, how is it that i still feel like a kid and at times wonder how i got to be living this life? i know it has been in the works for awhile but don't you ever take a step back and think "wow, this is my life and this is what i'm doing and i can't believe it!"?

getting started

while snuggling on the couch with my five year old who is home with a fever i suddenly start thinking "what am i going to do with myself?!" as we watch another "i spy" and i'm fresh out of websites to peruse i think blog! i have been thinking about it for a looong time but there is always something else to do. been kinda busy ya know; being a mom of two, wife, daughter... it came to me though that if i don't do something for me i'm gonna lose it! so here i am after a good half hour of thinking of names for this and having them all be taken. boy there are a lot of bloggers out there. anyway here i am, a place i think i'll be able to relax and relay some of my 'stella points'! life is such a crazy thing, no wonder so many people are out there on the world wide web sharing their thoughts, ideas, worries, complaints and what have you. i hope i can contribute :)